Things are going well!

Things are going really well for me, and I'm not as worried about privacy issues, so my new blog is now open to all you readers out there. Please feel free to check it out. I will no longer post to this blog, but leave it here for latecomers to find the new one :)

Momma + Boo Blog

Thanks for all the love ;)

Time to post

Well it's been weeks since my last post, and that's  because of what's been going on in our lives. I think most of you who read this know what's happened, and for those who don't you can email me for info. Because a lot of Ben's family may still read this, I don't want to go into everything here...

Ben has decided he'd like a divorce, and has started a new relationship. I moved out of our house this weekend, and he is already moving his new boyfriend into our old home. Rebekah and I are living with my mom until Daemon is born, and then we'll be finding a nearby apartment.

Bekah is doing really well, she thinks it's quite the treat to be living with Grammy and Tami. They spoil her which is good, she needs that right now. We're living in the front room, I'm on Bekah's old bed she's on the couch. We have a pretty good setup. Room for our clothes, our big TV for watching princess shows on, and lots of toys to play with. :)

I spent the weekend trying to help move (kinda hard when people won't let you lift anything!) doing laundry, getting my car fixed and trying to find some sort of stability for us. I was so glad for Monday to come. Bekah's back at daycare which makes her very happy, and I'm back to some normalcy at work. Things could always be worse, and frankly I feel good about the place I'm in. I feel like I'm finally free from the worry, the agony, the questions, and the lies. I feel like I'm on the cusp of a fresh start.

I'll be starting a new blog soon (I don't really like the name of this one) and I'll post it on my FB for friends to find.

I love you all and thanks for your wonderful support!!! :)

Melllltingggggg.......

It. Is. Hot.

I can't believe we're not even into July yet, and we're already dying at my house. This year I was totally excited that our Landlord was going to get our A/C up and running in early June! No hot days of suffering this year! Last year we moved in on the 28th of June, and he didn't get our A/C up and running until the 4th of July... one week of torture (that included moving! BAH!).

Well this year he comes the second week in June, goes up on our roof aaaand..... It needs to be replaced. Last year the pump went out, and he replaced that, but it kept spewing little bits of rust and such at us every time it turned on. I didn't mind much, just had to vacuum more... but yeah it wasn't fantastic. So he opened it up to address that problem, and the whole thing was rusted out. Plus the motor was dead this year. His decision: rip it out, replace it and the duct work from the roof to our hallway.

Amid this he's having family crises and working overtime, I was really ok with it because the weather was staying cool. Well early this week he was back, working on it and all. He's replaced some things, ordered new duct, but now he has to go to Idaho, and I dunno when he'll be back to finish it. I'm DYING. Last summer I wasn't pregnant... I could just deal with it, eat a popsicle and chill with Bekah in the back yard... but this year its much hotter and harder on me.

Last night it was 90 degrees in my house. So hot that the garbage turned funky in record time (brand new back with three things in it) and a cup of milk on the table went from milk to cheese in about two hours. Yech!

I really really really hope he gets to it this weekend... he's such a busy guy and I don't blame him, we just keep running into obstacles between me and my cool comfy house.

Can't think of an update besides that... I'm hot!

Bwogging on Novocaine.

I'm a little numb right now. I just had four fillings. Yikes. The dentist had to put so much Novocaine in my one tooth I'll be numb all day. Hopefully I don't have to field too many calls. "Thanks fo cawwing Wetech, how can I hewp you?"

I have to go back to do the other side of my mouth next month. Le sigh. At least he's a really good dentist. I really didn't feel a thing once he got me numb enough.

Saturday night we had a little bonfire reunion. 5 years ago we started doing them in Provo. As Tony pointed out though, we started doing them in March, WAY too early to be doing bonfires. Very true Tony, very true. It was so nice to get to see everyone together again. Strange the different stages we're all at... Ben and I with a pre-schooler, Tony and Cat with a newborn, Shell and Brian married, Steven and Becca in a new relationship... it was like every stage of relationship there. Well except for divorce... let's hope none of us hit that one eh? :D

Miles is a sweetheart! I really liked getting to know Cat better too, she's so nice and such a cute mom. Her and Tony are very sweet together with their little baby. It's nice to have another mom to talk to! Steven and Becca are SO freaking cute together. Man oh man, I was in love with their cute little interactions. I can't WAIT to photograph that wedding!! (It's free Becca, you know you can't say no to THAT wedding present!!)

Sorry, am I ahead of myself? I do that. It's the numb lips I promise. Anywho it was great to see everybody. Strange we've all gone so many different directions and all pretty much ended up in Magna again. It sucks you back in!! Also, we've been in our house for a year! Can you believe that? I love our house. I love that our Landlord is working on our AC right now too! Man my face itches. Damn Novocaine!

Father's day was fun too, though Ben had to work. I made him a Lavalava that he's been wanting desperately. I swear, he's a hawaiian under all that whiteness. My mom thought I'd marry a big islander. Ben's just one on the inside bruddah! He really likes it a lot, I can't blame him with how hot our house has been... I've been wearing skirts too! Tee hee.

Well lunch is bout over, time to stop whining about my face (numb... so numb!) and get back to it. Hopefully I can eat soon, since it smells great in here and I can't chew anything!

Long time no pictures!

It's been a while since I've updated with pictures. See? Even Bekah is giving me the crusty eye. Fine! Here are some pictures of our fun on Sunday.

Bekah's pool from last year was pretty busted, and we wanted a slightly smaller one anyway... (That Grammy spoils her Bekah!) so we went and got her this one Sunday morning. Ben thought it wouldn't fit in the car... it SO did. Booyah for me.

She forgot about sliding into the pool until Daddy suggested it, and then that was all she wanted to do... slide slide slide.

You'll notice her super cute (super modest...) swimsuit. No we're not fundamentalists or anything, we just found out last summer that Bekah is allergic to regular sunscreen. Last year we paid big bucks for the all-natural zinc oxide stuff, and instead of slathering her whole body in it, we found these way cute little wet suit type swim suits at costco. This year she has two of them.

Luckily Coppertone came out with this stuff:

It does have a couple of the chemical absorbers in it, but it doesn't give her hives (and costs about half as much as the blue kangaroo we were using last year!!) So I'm pretty sure she's allergic to the chemical suncreens not the absorbers (Homosalate, Octobenzone and Avobenzone are the most likely culprits).

In other news, we planted a tree!

See our little baby tree? In a couple years it'll be shady and nice. I'm so excited our landlord let us put it in. He's such a nice guy. :)

Here's Ben making a funny face. Man I love this man! :)

So yeah, there is my crazy rant... enjoy!

Oh me oh my

So... 18 weeks down, only 22 to go. I'm almost halfway done!

You know, I really do hope this boy is born on Halloween. How cool would that be? Then the name Daemon would be DOUBLY awesome. Daemon the Demon born on Halloween! He he.

So life is getting stressful again. I just worry so much. I can't really help the worrying. It comes so naturally. I worry about Ben's job, I worry about the rent, I worry about the budget, I worry about the pregnancy... I just worry. I need to stop it though, I can feel my blood pressure creep up every time I think of it.

Even when things have been bad... Ben and I have made things work. He's always found a way to provide for us. I really hope I get this promotion, and i hope they open up this job in July. If I can move to estimating in July, the pay increase will help a lot. Then I'll really be the breadwinner.

I'm really starting to look pregnant now. I weighed myself today and for the first time since I got pregnant, I've gained weight. In the first three months of my pregnancy I lost 15 pounds. I've now gained 3 of those back... lol. A whole three pounds. I do have to be careful now though, because my appetite is starting to come back. I can eat a little more, and lunchtime is the worst. From 10 AM til about 2 PM I cannot get enough to eat! This boy is growing!

Sluggy.

I feel like my last few posts have been sad and whiny. I need to buck up I think. I really do love where I work, even if the people are odd and judgey sometimes...

I have a really awesome boss, who not only wholeheartedly supports this surrogacy thing, he's also (finally) taking my want to be an estimator seriously. We had a mini-review and talked about me moving into estimating. He says most likely, we'll get two estimator openings in July and I can apply for one. (Hey Shell or Becca, wanna apply for my job?? I'll seriously recommend you!)

Ben and I had a good talk the other night too, he's agreed to pick up the slack around the house. The midwife and Honey are both adamant about me taking it easy the past week or so. I had some scary contractions Friday night because I was so stressed at work I forgot to drink any water. So Ben has agreed to take up more responsibility around the house for the remainder of the pregnancy, since this one is being much harder on me than the last one was.... Hopefully it gets better soon, because I feel like a total slug... I want to get up and go!

Work has been crazy the last couple of days... I'm covering for one coworker who's on vacation, and the gal that's covering for our other PC is gone most of the week because her mother died. So I have 4 jobs on my shoulders (mine included) No wonder I forgot to drink anything friday!

Ok well this has rambled on long enough I think. I just want ya'll to know I'm bored being forced to rest so much so call or text me please :)

Le sigh

So it's officially not in my head.

If you read my last post you know I've been feeling like I'm being judged... feeling isolated. Well it's really not in my head.

Today I finally brought in my ultrasound pictures. They're almost a week old, I've already told them all it's a boy and I got the perfunctory congrats... I figured who can resist an ultrasound pic, right? I figured they'd be like "Oh cool!"

Well I was wrong. I got walked away from by two girls who I really thought were friends... and the other lady kind of smiled and nodded at the pics and handed them back with very little enthusiasm.

Is it wrong for me to want my coworkers to kind of be interested in my life? I swear I'm not that crazy pregnant woman that that's all she can talk about. In fact I rarely do unless I'm asked about it. But the occasions it does come up its like taboo, change the subject!

Augh. Sorry to rant about this for two posts in a row but I'm seriously starting to feel hurt by the judging. It's sad... and I dunno if I'll be able to be friends with all these ladies once it's over. Talk about true colors.

Now here is the ultrasound pic... Please SOMEBODY ooo and ahhh for me and my friend Honey :)

Warning:

I'm quarantined.

Not because I'm sick. At least, not physically, mentally or medically. I'm a social quarantine. Mask her up, keep her quiet and don't contact. I have a big yellow sign on my door that says stay out... she's different, quirky and, well let's face it, a bit odd.

People are listening too. Especially the coworkers. My desk has one of those bubbles around it with guys in white suits standing guard. No contact. She's strange and different than you. She believes differently, she's opinionated and doesn't go with the flow too well. So just stay away and use hand sanitizer if you have to go near the bubble.

If I really had a bubble around my desk at least it would explain why everyone avoids me all of a sudden. It's not really that overt I guess, but it feels like it. It's bad enough for me to really notice.

Is it the surrogacy thing? I think it must be. It seems like none of the coworkers really want to talk about my pregnancy, and anytime words like "nausea" or "maternity pants" come up they kind of go mum and change the subject. Not only do they NOT want to talk about the "strange" state I'm in, but they also don't know what else to talk to me about... its like this big elephant in the room.

The elephant standing guard at my quarantine bubble.

So I'm starting to feel pretty isolated.  I don't have tons of friends, I've never been that type. Luckily all (3) of my friends are really cool with the preggo thing. Of course I don't have your typical conservative friends. But its easy to start to feel pretty alone when your few friends work like you, your husband works, and all your coworkers are allergic to your weirdness.

Loneliness is miserable.

Mothers

With Mother's day approaching, I feel to the need to talk about the blessing of being a mom, just a little bit.

I am so truly blessed to be a mother. Bekah's been a little person since the day she was born. Instead of looking at lights, or patterns she always wanted to look at your eyes. As soon as she had the strength, she'd hold her head up and away from you. Snuggles were not for her, she wanted to know what was happening.

Now, She's always after attention, and loves laughing with me. She'll find something funny and just laugh her funny little giggle until you can't help but join in. She loves to scare and startle, and loves to be chased. She says things like "You're my best friend, mom." or. "I'm just like momma, we're the same!"

It's strange to know what it's like to put someone before me. To know that my relationship with her father isn't just about him and me, it's about her future too. The perspective on life she gives me is wonderful. I watch everything I say, do and think, because I know she's watching me too. I cry when she mimics my least favorite things, like frustration and yelling. I smile when she puts on my shoes, grabs her purse and tells me: "I go work now, I love you! Be back soon!" Because I know she knows I'll always come back.

I didn't become a mother when I got pregnant, or even when she was born. I remember the moment I truly felt like a mother. (warning, this story is a little bit gross, as it involves poo!)

Bekah was about a week old, and still hadn't pooped. Because of this she was getting more and more jaundice-y. The toxins were building up in her body, and the bili light wasn't helping. I called my doctor and the nurse said I needed to help her poop. I tried everything they told me... I propped her, fed her bits of corn syrup and exercised her little legs, but nothing worked. Finally I was at the last resort... either she pooped or it was enema time.So I did what I had to do to keep that miserable enema from happening. I lubed up a q-tip and laid her on her diaper. We were gonna get this poo out. Finally after about 5 minutes of gentle prodding, she made the funniest face I'd ever seen and bam! Poop.

I know this sounds like the oddest place to feel like a mom, but when she pooped... I cried. I cried and laughed and was so happy. I called my husband and my mom to share my triumph with them. I had helped her. I had made her feel better, all by myself. That was being a mom.

I guess I'm getting reminiscent, because my best friend is about to become a mother. How truly blessed I was to be able to conceive Rebekah so easily and to have an easy pregnancy. Now I am on that journey again but for someone else. Honey cannot conceive children with her husband, and IVF didn't work. She has wanted to be a mother for nearly 10 years and has been denied such a wonderful basic thing. How blessed I am that I can give her this gift... the gift of motherhood.

I know that though I carry this child, it's not mine... and I can't wait for Honey's moment... that moment when she becomes a mom. Hopefully it doesn't involve poop though, because she doesn't have a strong stomache.

This mother's day, I truly have appreciation for the gift that motherhood is, because I have the privelage to help give that gift to someone I dearly love.

I hope you appreciate your gift, all you mom's out there. Because there are so many who would do just about anything for it. :)

Happy Mom's day everyone!

To err is human, to blog... also human.

Well I haven't been blogging very well, and I think I know why... I'm just to overwhelmed to try and get all my pictures on here.... I guess I need to blog with less pictures maybe, or just not care if I can't get some on every time.

Life is pretty good. Ben's liking his job pretty well. It stresses him out because of all the added responsibilities of management, but I know he can do it. He's amazing at everything he does... if only he knew that. The pay is better than his previous jobs, so we're finally able to breath and do more than get by. We're actually ahead on stuff.

My job is going great, I really really love my job. My boss is so cool about the whole pregnancy thing which is awesome. I was a bit worried, but he's such a great guy about stuff. I'm getting to do a lot more at work than just secretarial things. I feel like I'm really getting embedded into the group there... I feel needed. Super nice!

Our life is going well too. We're getting our garden started, I'm so excited. It's going to be so wonderful and beautiful and you'll be jealous. Yep. You will. Just watch.

Well not a lot to talk about besides work and gardening, that's pretty much all I have time for as of late.

Yes, I'm pregnant. No, it's not mine. I'm a surrogate!

Well, if you don't read my facebook, you may not know... I am about 11 weeks pregnant with a baby for my very best friend, Honey. She and her husband have been trying to get pregnant for over 9 years, and have suffered though infertility, tests, invitro and the struggle to adopt. I am so very excited to be able to give them the opportunity to be parents! I'm just thrilled to be part of the journey, to be the vessel that leads to their complete family.

I have received so many sweet comments from all of my friends, and I can't wait to meet my Godchild!

Easter Egg Hunt

April 038, originally uploaded by ToniScottPhotography.

Bekah's first real Easter egg hunt! By real I simply mean outside, there weren't any other kids there for competition or anything, but she still had a grand ole time! I'll upload more pictures tomorrow :)

Happy Easter!

Happy Birthday Ben!

This week Ben turned 29! He is my very favorite Aries! We had a nice week, I bought him a Camellia like this one:

And we went garden shopping for some of the things he wants. It was all very fun! My mom got him a bunch of yarn and some new needles, he's now knitting his first pattern: an afghan.

I was all excited to make him a cake, and I surprised him with a Beach Cake. Check it out:

Its not a great picture, I was tired and my light was terrible, but you can see the ocean and the beach, the little seashells, and Ben's name swimming in the water!

Bekah helped me a lot (mostly by eating the frosting) and she made dad a really cute card (no picture available, she hid it later...)

So yeah it was a good week all around, he's so OLD! :D

Slump

I've decided I'm in a picture slump. I haven't taken many pictures the last month or so. I dunno, sometimes you just have life get in the way... I did take some sweet pictures of our new sprouts... they are so cute and I can't wait for our garden! So, until I get my groove back, plant pictures you shall have!

I love the fish in the background of that last one. He was like, hey whatcha dooin?

This next one is one of the awful buggers in our fish tank. Ben decided to bring home a snail... it reproduced like mad and now we have about 100 of them! Tiny and everywhere!

I figured Dusty would have eaten them all, but not so much... maybe not worth the shell and all that work? Hmmm I dunno... he's eaten our fish before... look at the size of his mouth!

He'd eat you if he could! I just know it....

Ok so that's the randomness. In other news, Bekahs pretty dern potty trained, we have less than an accident a day usually, and she goes all by herself! I can't believe we're finally there. Felt like it would never happen!

Come out sunshine!

March 002 ed, originally uploaded by ToniScottPhotography.

Long time, no Blog...

Sorry I haven't been updating much, but really there isn't a lot goin on for us right now. We work, we play, we have all sorts of fun.

I haven't even been taking many pictures. I think we all have a bad case of cabin fever at this point, and can't wait for better weather. (It's snowing right this minute, so who knows when that weather will come?) We're busy planning our garden, and getting ready for the nice weather.

One really good bit of news, Bekah is potty-trained! We still have some trouble with pooping in the potty, it's pretty hit-and-miss, but as for peeing, she can go most days with no accidents. At school its a little less consistent and she has some accidents there, but overall, she is really getting it and ready to be in underwear! YAY!

Hope ya'll have a happy and fun Patty's Day. Hooray for Green Beer!

How Does Your Garden Grow?

So part of our tax return went to our garden! Gardening in February? You may think we're crazy. Crazy like a FOX!

Bekah was fully excited to get our seeds started for our big lovely garden this summer. She planted Watermelons and Pumpkins. I planted the peppers! :)

Ben... wore his bathrobe! Oh, and he planted some pretty bulbs to get them started inside... it's too cold to really dig in our soil right now, so we're cheating.

Bekah sporting her dirty hands. "Wow, dirty!" She was not happy about how dirty they were...

My favorite image: New Life. I can't wait for Spring!!

The Cakeball Anomoly

In order to answer the questions about my sanity cakeballs, please follow the link:

http://www.bakerella.com/category/pops-bites/cake-balls/

Check out her whole site. She is a woman after my own heart. Mmmmm Cake. Who needs an occasion?

All you need is love... and a cast iron skillet.

Happy Valentines Day! We've had a very fun week, and I have been incredibly spoiled! I think that Ben loves me or something... This has been by far, my very favorite Valentines ever.

Bekah had a party at her school. They made valentines and gave them out. The candy is still hidden away... its almost as bad as Halloween!

Ben kicked the week off by surprising my early in the week with flowers and chocolates. The, yesterday he brought me MORE flowers, as did my BFF Honey. All told I got 4 bouquets of flowers! They are so pretty... see?

That's a mix of my early week bouquet and the roses Honey brought me.

These are called Alstroemeria, they are my very favorite flower. These are the same color as the ones I had in my wedding bouquet, and on our wedding cake. Ben remembers every year and gets them for me. There were white roses with these. I have so many flowers! I don't know what to do with them... I'm so spoiled.

For Valentines I got Ben a new drill (he's super excited) and he got me:

That's right, a cast iron skillet! I have been wanting one for... ever. He got me a big 12" one with a glass lid. I luff it so much. I can't believe he remembered... what a thoughtful man he is.

I spent most of yesterday making cake balls and cake pops. I FINALLY found some red velvet cake mix. I looked everywhere for that stuff! Wal-Mart had some so I bought 4 boxes. The cake balls are way better with red velvet, and they look so pretty too. I used semi-sweet chocolate this time which was extra num, and not as sweet...

The only problem with the Red Velvet cake mix is that it has so much food coloring in it. It stained my hands something fierce.

I couldn't figure out how to let the cake pops set so that they stayed round... I gave up and set them on the paper (like candy apples) but the cool thing is, once wrapped, they looked like chocolate roses. So, I have invented the cake ball rose. :) Want a dozen of these?

Today, Ben's working so I went and played at Wal-Mart for a bit. Bekah needed some totes for all her crap. Her room was starting to get completely out of hand. We cleaned it up together, and it looks fantastic. I love her room all clean, and I think she likes it much better too. She went and played in there for an hour after we cleaned it up.

I also needed a new shower curtain for my bathroom. I got these cool looking vinyl dandelion wall decals on clearance at ShopKo a couple weeks ago, and they didn't match the ducky curtain. I got this pretty thing on clearance for $7.50. Gotta love the Wally. Also got a matching liner.

Now I need a new rug, and soon new towels. But still, for under $20 you gotta love an almost new looking bathroom!

Too fun. It'd be nice to paint in there, and maybe this summer we'll talk to our landlord about it. I'd like to paint it kind of a taupe color in the shower curtain, but not too dark. Luckily that room gets lots of light.

Well that's all my pictures for today. Happy V-Day all! Loves!

4 years!

I can't believe it's already been 4 years... but in the same breath I think, how short a time that is! It seems some days like we're newlyweds, and some days like we've been married for a century. (In a good way!)

For our anniversary I got Ben something he's been wanting for a while:

A tattoo! No, it's not as big as it looks in that pic (its kinda stretched out) but it still took about two hours. It is Hebrew sanskrit and it says "Rivka" Which is Rebekah in Hebrew. Cool eh? It's not done yet, still some designs to go around it, but that'll be in little segments.

Me? This is what I got....

Too cool eh?

We also went to eat at Melting Pot (YUM!) on sunday, and on our actual anniversary I made fajitas and we had champagne! :D

Happy Anniversary to us!

Cooking with Toni - Cranberry Cream Cheese Pastry Puffs

Hello all!

This holiday season I became obsessed with appetizers. Like tiny little canvases, appetizers provide outlet for one's most crazy cooking ideas. Because they're small, flavors can be intense. Also, they are much less heartbreaking to throw away if you completely mess them up!

Anyway, I will be sharing a bunch of these fun recipes I made up, but today I want to share with you, one of my favorites (just invented today) The Cranberry Cream Cheese Pastry Puff (with pictures!)

Ok, here is what you need:
1/4 cup honey
1/2 cup fresh cranberries (you can do this with frozen, but it doesn't taste as good)
1/4 cup of cream cheese
1 sheet of puff pastry, thawed.

Directions:

Take your honey and put it in a saucepan on medium low. When it begins to simmer gently, add the cranberries. Let this mixture cook at medium low until the cranberries begin to cook down. They should all be open and soft.

Now, while this is cooking, take your thawed puff pastry sheet and roll it out a little, to make it a bit bigger, and cut into twelve rectangles. Now take the cream cheese and add a gob (um, like a rounded teaspoon) on one side of the rectangle.

Now top these with the cranberry mixture

Fold these badboys over, don't seal just fold them really tight... if they come unfolded during baking, you can put them back while still hot.

Now bake at 350 for about 15-20 minutes (make sure they're golden brown and firm to the touch. If they unfolded you can reform them right out of the oven.

There you go... cream cheese pastry puffs!

Dungeons and Dragons Funerals. They will catch on!

Hey ya'll sorry for the haitus. With all the madness round my house, I just gotta git er done. Can you tell my sister is up from Texas?

Anyway the good coming out of all this horrid sadness is getting to see my sister for the first time in almost 8 months. She's too skinny. Must fatten her up while she's here....

So Gary's funeral was today. It was very hard, but not for the reasons I'd expected. It was really hard seeing Bobbie cry. I think that was the hardest for me. Made me just wanna hold her. It was also really, really hard to see Gary in the coffin. It didn't look like him. He was distorted and waxy looking. And because he was such a smart-ass in real life, part of me kept wondering when he was going to sit up and yell "Gotcha!" Because he so would have done that.

The funeral was pretty terrible. I honestly don't think his family knew him very well. It was very LDS (which he wouldn't have liked, but it comforted his mom, so that was ok) but also, they really snubbed Bobbie. Which she didn't care about much, but he would have been so angry and hurt. Just because his family didn't like her, didn't mean she deserved to be completely cut out of the program, the slideshow etc. It was hurtful to us. We were his family for 7 years... and not a mention beyond a 6 word sentence in the obituary.

It was long and boring... and I kept imagining Gary sitting next to my poking me in the side trying to get me to laugh at the worst moments. Which then, in turn, would make me laugh. I had a complete giggle fit imagining the kind of funeral HE would have liked. A dungeons and dragon's funeral... they'll catch on... just you watch.

All of the speakers kept dancing around the fact that Gary killed himself, which was really lame. Finally the bishop made the final remarks and came right out and said it. It was fantastic. He talked about how it's wrong to take any life, even your own, but that it's not our place to judge him, that's God's place. The he also talked about how family members often feel like blaming themselves, saying "If I'd only..." and said that's not what we should do. God gave us agency for a reason... and Gary made a choice.

The hardest part was watching his sweet daughter cry. Poor lamb. I grew up without a daddy... it will never go away. That hole never goes away... it heals a little and you learn to live around it, but it changes you forever.

Ok this post is enough of a downer, but this being my journal, I really did need to get it all out. I'm glad Bobbie is here until the weekend, and my mom comes home from the Hospital tomorrow (knee surgery) so we'll all be one happy family.

Hope ya'll are doing better than us! :)

Sad, Heartbreaking News

 If you read my facebook updates, you may already know this, but for others who don't I figured I would post it on the blog as well.

On Tuesday night, we found out that Bobbie's husband, Gary, killed himself while on duty in Oregon. Gary was serving in the Navy, and two naval officers arrived at my mom's house (the last address they had for my sister) and said they'd found his body.

Bobbie and Gary were separated when this happened, but they had been amicable, and he wanted Bobbie to stay on his insurance etc. He was a good, kind and sweet man, and a part of our family, no matter what.

Gary was my brother, and my friend. I will never forget his kindness, his sense of humor, and his willingness to go the extra mile for someone he barely knew. He will be greatly missed very dearly by myself and my family.

Gary had a daughter from a previous marriage, who is 8 years old. Please pray for her, and for Gary's mother in this sad and dark time for them especially. To lose a father I understand, and mourn for Alyssa. To lose a child so young, I cannot imagine.

I'll be spending most of the week with my sister, who is flying home for the funeral. I'm glad to see her, but heartbroken over the circumstances.  Cards for Bobbie would be very much appreciated, she is taking this very hard, as to be expected. Any cards or well wishes for Bobbie can be sent to:
Bobbie Wood c/o Tracy Mutter
3665 S. Centennial Rd.
Magna, UT 84044

Gary's funeral is scheduled for January 7th. It will be held in Bountiful at 11am, the viewing will be from 9:30 to 10:30. It will be at 3599 S.Orchard Drive.


Thank you all for the kind words and acts of service we have already received. Thank you for your kindness and your prayers. God Bless.